Mixed Emotions...

I have so many mixed emotions right now...I dont know how to cope. I truly don't. I dont know if my mind, body, & soul is ready for all the demands of a relationship.. I need so much, that I honestly think no man can conquer. I need constant validation that it is just me, I need constant love, attention, and affection. I need a way to know I am not being messed around on, and I cant get that without being in somebodies face 24/7. I have been through ALOT... And I still hurt soo bad from all of it. The shit just wont leave me alone. I hurt so much still. Can you help heal my wounds & insecurities instead of neglecting them...I need that. I am so scared of trying again. I am terrified. I am to a point where I am afraid of love, as bad as I want to feel it. Love hurts though. I need to feel like its me. & Only me. And I still don't. Idk what to do or how to do...and I honestly do not think I am being needy. This is what happens when people are hurt like this. I want to love, I want to Live worry free, I want to do all of that but why can't I? I know things take time, but at the same time, living worried is not healthy either. I need to figure out a way to solve this, and fast...or else I will never get better..


So I just got in not too long ago... I was out with friends... Once again I couldn't fully enjoy myself. I missed him so much! I'd much rather had been with him. I love Jesse. Fuck what people have to say or think. I want to be with him. And that's that...