A Woman Scorned...

It has been almost five years and to no avail, we are in the same position. I am fed up. I want peace of mind. I want to smile. I want to be happy. I want to trust. I want to love whole-heartedly. I want to be with a man I'm damn near about to marry. I'm ready for that. I do not want to date. But when is enough, enough?? I am overly tired of feeling like this. And the bad part about it, is that he doesnt even seem to care all that much anymore. If you are a royal screw-up, and you claim to love someone wouldn't you at least want to give them piece of mind? Instead of always coming up with some excuse as to why you are a dawg. I hurt so much. Its not fair. I do not feel like I use too. How can I? There is no way in hell I can trust. NONE... The only thing that keeps coming to mind is all the "I told You So's" All the shit people use to say at CMU. Then he has the nerve to say he cant stand me lol That's funny. Because our relationship wouldn't be fucked up if it wasn't for you. I bet he is going to get pissed because I typed in my blog that nobody ever fucking reads anyways. Its not like I can talk to him. He is like talking to a brick wall. He doesn't listen. or care to listen...or change...so I am not about to overly care to love. Especially after my heart has been broken over a dozen times. He doesn't care. Being an asshole and everything else is more important. I hurt so bad. I need strength to get me out the situation. Love keeps me here, uncertainty..a whole heap of other mess. :-( Why do men think "I'm Sorry" is enough. He does. I haven't seen him yet even attempt to turn it around.. or make it up to me. psssh... So fuck it. You don't care about my feelings, my emotional, mental state. Then you don't give a fuck about me. :-(