Ugh...

Why the fuck are break-ups sp fucking hard?? && why in the hell do men think that we can go back to being friends..?? Umm NO! It doesnt work that gotdamn way! UGH!! If you wanna be done, then leave me the fuck alone! I know damn well u heard the Trey Songz song as well as Deborah Cox..no muthafucka we cant be friends..... simple as that! MEN..boy I tell you...I see why more & more bitches are bi-sexual or gay lol....on some real shit..

What a waste...

So much going on in my life right now...Idk how I havent ripped the hair out of my head thus far! lol.... Right now...I am going through this stage in my life called.... a woman scorned...Im pissed way off that I wasted four years of my fucking life...waiting for some nigga to get they shit together...wtf was I thinking?!!! Now I could blame all of it on him...but then that would be untrue....cuz I decided to stay and deal with his bull shit... This nigga had the nerve to tell me....he wanted to be alone, and learn to deal with his self...are you fucking kidding me?? You made me waste 4 years of my life for some bullshit like that!! I guess you can say I am very pissed off at him right now... Then gonna say we probably get back together in the future....Umm wrong....kiss my ass! I am going to cut him completely off..and move forward. I dont want to know shit about whats going on in your life...and you dont need to know shit about whats going on in mine... I am going to go all the way to California...and hopefully forget you... I am just soo fucking angry that I wasted my fucking time on him... It aint like time is one of those things you can get back... Bitch ass....ugh!!!! I AM SO MAD!

Love Is...

The Undeniable feeling, force of emotions that bombard our hearts multiple times within our short lives...It has to be THE most powerful emotion ever...When love is good, the feeling is great. Truly can't be described. The feeling of wholeness & security...It does feel damn good. Why is it that we get confused during a relationship, mistaking being comfortable, with being in love.. I'm a firm believer of the fact that Love isnt suppose to hurt. Love is Honest, Trustworthy, & Faithful.

Honesty: Be Honest with every person you love..Anybody can respect a person who's honest...Even if the truth does hurt..

Trustworthy: You should be able to trust that person or whomever with your life...Enough Said.

Faithful: Never Betray the one you love. Once you do, your relationship will never be the same...ever.

I can admit, I have trouble with love. I love  people who dont seem to return it as much as I give it out.

I love my family, God know's I do, but they seriously got some tough love. Very Tough. I can probably count the number of times on one hand that we ever vocally expressed our love for one another.

LOL once puberty hit though, I thought I finally found out what love was.. Ya know the butterflies in your stomach type of feeling...Puppy love is what that was..haha its funny now, but dammit it wasnt funny back then. I truly thought I was love with this one guy from my neighborhood...boy let me tell you, I had it rough...lol I think I can honestly say that was my first unofficial boyfriend...lol even if we did keep our likeness for one another a secret...lol...

Then came time for college...and I got hit HARD! My 1st & Only OFFICIAL relationship...Let me tell you..I thought he could walk on water... I didnt care what he did..nothing else mattered but my love for him...& his love for me...smh... I can't lie though the feeling that I felt was the best feeling ever.... How do you get back to that feeling?

How? How? How?

Oh how I want to feel that way again....All I feel now is bullshit, lies, and whole heap of other shit. I thought love wasnt suppose to hurt? How do I make each day feel good again. I wanna feel the love, I need to feel it, I yearn to feel it..

Why does it feel like we're in the comfortable stage...Ya know the one, where you just stay in the relationship, just because its comfortable.. I dont want that. I wanna smile & know I'm the only one like I use too... I wanna be loved, feel love & love hard again.

LOVE...

That powerful emotion that makes you do the most craziest things & when it feels good... It feels damn good...but when it hurts, it feels like somebody died.

LOVE...

I want to be able to love hard again..Lord Help me Love hard again.

I have to admit...Right now everything that has to do with love in my life seems hopeless...Like a bottomless pit...

You can call me wrong, but when I know a person is lying to me, its kind of impossible for me to move forward. Friends, Family significant others, it doesnt matter. I cant love a person 100% who cant be honest with me.

Why is that? Why do people lie? Why is it that they always blame shit on some sort of coincidence. God knows I lie too...but whenever I get caught, I tell the truth...Why? Because secrets are lethal. And they hurt a lot worse when they creep out of no where.

All I want is to feel alive again...Why Cant I feel that? WHY? I'll tell you why, Lies & Love dont mix...They never will.

Trust... One Must trust the people they love. You should know everyday that nothing can come between the two of you, because you trust that person wholeheartedly.

God I have to ask you, why is it everytime I turn around I am finding out that the people that I love and trust cant be trusted? Why is that? Hummm...

I consider myself a strong person. However nothing has made me drop more tears than love itself. UGH! What a horrible feeling!

Love isnt suppose to hurt right? WRONG! It does..It really truly does..I want to love hard again, but if I do I risk falling many more tears again....Thats some unfair shit. Mankind aint shit..That 1 thing is obvious & marriage is a crock of crap too...people dont love the way they use too...

I do...I just want somebody to love me back wholeheartedly too..

So lets talk some GAME...

Man oh man...I cant even lie the last few episodes of the GAME has definitely left me intrigued. I dont think men like that exist. (Derwin) He messed up once, and he has been the best man to that silly girl Melanie ever since. Damn..where are the Derwins of the world! lol THEY DONT EXIST!! HAHA They really don't though..humm..


Now on the last nights episode of The Bad Girls Club. That heffa Nikki be doing way too much! Like bitch sit yo ass down. It seem like she acting just for cameras...and its super annoying. So far, I gotta say my favs are Char, Jessica & Sydney. Jessica is plain funny as hell...lol and Char..she seems so real. Sydney seems like that too right now, and I can like & respect a bitch like that on some real shit. I can't stand them fake dumb ass hoes... Kori is ok. I haven't made a decision on her yet. Can't say I like her, Can't say I dislike her either. Im too happy THE GAME & BGC6 are on right now... Got something to keep me sane...!! Until next time..


Peace, Love, & Blessings...

A refreshed outlook...

Man these past few days have been hell!! But I have decided not caring is always the best option. I was on my twitter page a few minutes ago... Why the f*ck do people take sh*t so seriously on there... Like get a life! Its twitter! People can say wtf they want too! If you dont like what a person is saying, block they ass and move on!!! LOL with that off my chest...I am excited to be planning on moving out of wack ass MICHIGAN...which is where I reside...and let me tell you this place sucks!!! I am moving to California soon! I cannot effin wait to get the hell outta here, and spread my wings for real...!!!

Sooo last night was the premier of BGC season 6. This season looks good as hell...Can't even lie!! Im kind of disappointed in Jade for leaving so soon! It pisses me off when people sign up for the show, just to leave. You could have NOT signed up, and gave that spot to somebody who ACTUALLY wanted the experience... What a waste of space.... If she was going to go home, she could have at least went out Knocking a bitch out... But oh well...to each its own :-)

Tonight is the Premiere of THE GAME! Yes!!!!! I am excited about this as well! It was ABOUT TIME! I so excited... because I'm half way in love with Pooch...hahaha..Thats a fine ass brotha...and idc that he is married....I really dont...! Guess thats the bad girl in me hehe...but on that note...Im outta here!

Peace, Love, & Blessings

Tia Renia

A VERY Long day..

I didn't even want to get outta of bed this morning. I need to find out where the hell my damn motivation went... Like seriously... Now an invitation to go get some dinner, definitely got me off my ass. haha... Which was a good thing. I needed to get out. Finally purchased myself the Michael Jackson game. FUN! YES!! That definitely brightened my day...I got a message from ex... I didn't even bother to answer back. I figured being silent is the best thing to do.. I can't keep letting him know how I feel. He knows...and he hasn't stepped up to change it, so I'm not about to let him in my life til he stop with the bull...and be a real man to me... && If I happen to fall outta love in the process, then his loss. I'm not the one who messed up! Anyways...so I played the game... a GREAT work-out! Had me in my basement sweating! LOL... This is the first game i've invested in, with my wii. Thats a shame, I've had the damn thing for a year, and never bought any games.. haha. Well when I move to California in the next few months, I'll definitely have something to do til I find some new friends there. I definitely recommend getting it, if you wanna sweat a little. Well on that note world, Im outta here!


Peace, Love, & Blessings...Tia Renia..

To Listen or Not To Listen...

Idk if its GOD speaking to me through another source or not. But its pretty funny, that I just had this huge blow up with my ex...and then somebody adds me on facebook, and we having a genuine friendly conversation...and my ex comes up because they're from the same city. Humm ok... and proceeds to continue talking, about how he was been hoeing around the city he lives...and I was set-up. wow...ok... I am comfortable telling this information because I kind of suspected that from the beginning. All I can say is Thank You God. Because my informant wasnt rude, disrespectful, I dont even think he cursed once.. But finding out info like that is just funny to me... Men...so sloppy...

Life's Lesson's

After coming to terms with a few things...I've learned over the years that some stuff just cant be forced. A relationship is one of them.. You can love a person all day and all night long...but once they hurt you...(multiple times in my case) you are constantly on guard. My question is...how do you learn to let go of your pain? I for 1...hold the pain inside my heart, and it is definitely self-destructing me. In my case, I was in love/am still in love..(cant lie) with a man who doesn't understand the severity of the pain he caused me. He doesn't, understand the pain I go through being with him.. The reason behind the things I do. Thinking I act out... I act out, and the only time I feel he actually listened or cared was when I did act out. Why is it men don't listen to you until you act out? Or maybe it was my fault... I did let him get away with murder...so I probably did bring a lot of hell onto my self. Why is it though, that woman end up suffering so much more than men. Men carry on with their lives... Woman linger on. I guess that's why we got the whole idea of, woman loving a whole lot harder than men. Maybe if we as women learned to live our lives out as men...our hearts wouldn't be broken nearly as much... hummm

My Perspective on Why Relationships fail...

After seeing so many relationships fail with people, and as well as why my own off & on relationship has failed, is based solely on being honest. Once you decide to love another person, and give your heart to them, you are making a promise to protect it, and be open honest with that person you are sharing it with. I have always noticed that people will lie, even with the truth staring them back in the face. When in many cases...no matter how bad or how good, a person can truly respect a person who is honest with them. I know I CAN...but time & time again, the people I love continue to lie to me.. Straight in my face, like I dont know. That has ruined many relationships in my life, as well as other people's lives that I know. How can a person continue on in a successful relationship when your partner lies about absolutely everything. If a person is going to lie about something small, you better believe they are going to lie about something big as well. If people can come into a relationship, open and honest from the beginning there would be a lot less people hurt, wounded, and battered by unsuccessful relationships. Take it from me...please be honest with your partner... You will save yourself as well as your partner a lot less heartache and un-needed stress!

Love & Blessings.. Tia Renia...