Gotta do this...

I have to find a new approach to finding myself a job...Im going to get up at the crack, and head out to various job places....with my make-up on, and hair did. I tried to today, but my car was E...O_o It was all bad! Im going to go to Hooters, and try to get a job...lol Push my boobies up, and head out over there. You never know, they maybe like GOTDAMN!!! Can you start tonight?! haha although I have never waitressed a day in my life. Its all good. Gotta do what i gotta do to get myself some funds back in my pocket...I need cash to pay off my debts...I need cash to pay for my gas...and I need cash to start saving some... Lord Please help me out!!

Peace, Love, & Blessings
Tia Renia

Just overly Done!!

Since I aparently tell my bog everything, and I dont tell Jesse shit, this 1 is dedicated to you...
He is liar..lol everything I have ever put in my blog, he knows about, why? Cuz most of the time, I bitching about the shit he has done to me...so please tell me Jesse...you dont know what goes on in my life...SHUT UP! If WE dont like to do the same things....then leave me alone...Im so sick of carrying on bullshit!!!

He going to some concert in Detroit. You think he even decided to invite me?? NO...but he isnt wrong for that?? When Im suppose to be his "gf" that no one really knows about...&& always got the nerve to talk about married, and having kids...gtfoh!!! Im so pissed off right now, it aint even funny. Im done...Im burnt out from bullshit! If you cant even see that you were wrong, then kiss my ass. On some real shit. That his problem, it takes him 6 months to finally realize...yeah I was wrong... and he was. I didnt ask him to buy me a got damn ticket or nothing....its the point that just yesterday u was sending me some email talking about you dont like to do anything fun without me....
HA but you going to concert, and you didnt even tell me... sound kinda fishy and fake to me. He is fake. FAKE! That was fake.....Im just done...DONE!!!!

Past few Days...

The fast days were spent in Muskegon with Jesse. As usual, I just left...and didnt say a word to anybody, which is usually exactly what I do. My mama was gone to Vegas...now maybe that she got her 50th birthday outta the way, she can pay off my school stuff...I'm getting real impatient! OAN: My days spent in Muskegon were ok, I didnt want to leave... Esp when I got home, I ended up feeling like shit....as usual. I was literally in tears, kept texting Jesse, he never responded...so I just dealt with it on my own. He always does that when I come back, start back on that not responding shit.....b4 I even get worked up on that bullshit, I'm going to move on from it...Its late, I have a headache, and there are clothes all over my bed...go figure lol I need to clean this shit off...and lay down...maybe my sweet dreams will become a reality...

Grrrr...!

Irritated af! Ima make sure I'm drunk everyday...well at least this weekend... Mad af! Kevin Hart twm.. You know somebody was going to take me...with my friend...but nooo! I was like nope... Jesse wouldnt like that at all...and I'm trying to make it work right with him. Ha...shouldve took the got damn ticket lol cuz now my friend and the dude are still going...and so is jesse ass... Shouldve took the free ticket.....
Right now I'm so pissed off it's not even funny... If I could go live in a igloo by my fucking self that would be great!

ON ANOTHER NOTE: So also tonight...I was hanging with my friend, and she had her guy friend with us, which is fine. I didn't mind, they didnt make me feel like a 3rd wheel lol. AT ALL!! Ya know this guy offered me to work for him...and DAMN was it hard to turn him down, epsecially when he flashing you LOTS of money... Of course it was drug money, but oh so tempting. He was persistent too...The devil seriously tried me on that one. Lord knows I'm no thug or drug dealer, but I am getting just that desperate for some income. I declined still. Don't get it twisted, it was hard decline.. aaah oh well.. I'll continue to be broke O_o AF!!

Angry Thoughts...

I'm pissed off an angry as fuck. I knew it. I gave specific instructions to Jesse...that he BETTER NOT call no bitches he cheated on me with. He did. DONE. Thats all I can say right about now. DONE. You broke the rules...and then had the nerve to call after I called to try to talk to him. You think he answered my call....nope or my message. I am beyond upset. Not even all that hurt. Just more so upset, and I CANNOT do it no more. idgaf if that bitches mama died....thats not our concern. 1thing for sure, her fucking mama didnt die, you were just calling to be Jesse. Do you then...thats all I got to say. But I am going to do me also. You can't hurt me, and then break the fucking rules...gtfoh. Yall should see this ugly strong faced hoes...like seriously...its pretty funny. I must need a strong ass face to keep him in check o_O aah o well..it is, what it is. It's thursday...Im getting ready to get my hair did, and I am going to find me some fun to get into..!!!

My Constant wondering Mind...

Its another late night for me. Its almost 3am Eastern Time. Im up alone, and lonely... I can't say that much has happened for me the past few days. Still the same ole same ole. I just feel like I'm living a life that definitely inst for me, and it kind of sucks.. :-/ I have no choice but to continue to be patient...I guess...

 Wish Jesse was with me right now...But he is kind of wrapped up in his own life right now which is fine I guess... Although if I had my way we'd be around each other ALL the time. I love being near him just that much. I really do. I think he gets tired of me after awhile though...lol

I had a conversation with my mother again...and she had all types of plans to buy all this stuff, and not once did she mention paying my school bill that was suppose to have been payed 3 years ago. I am getting so upset about it that I could cry. Thats just how bad I am ready to stop playing around at these wack ass Community Colleges, and finish up at a University. Jesse dont get it either, he wants me to go do a 9month type of program at a medical school or something, but that is NOT what I want to do with my life. I dont see him going to school for something he didnt want to do, so why the hell should I? At the same time....I don't have anything else to do, and I am frustrated about it. It sucks that I can't just go t another school, and finish. They wont let me without my transcripts from CMU. :-( arrgghh!! I truly am just stuck....with no job, no money, no nothing...and I am stone cold miserable... and I mean every bit of that. Everybody keeps telling me not to worry, to pray to GOD about it, etc. And I have, and I still wake up feeling like a failure, and that is NOT a good feeling. I just want to go to school......and I can't. So yep, I'm miserable. I have been looking for a job for months....I really am in a slump lol...Shit sucks major donkey balls too...!! Well I am totally sick all of a sudden so I am going to go find some TheraFlu and call it night...!!

Peace, Love, & Blessings...

Tia Renia

Undesirable...

What can I say, I still don't feel secure at all in this relationship, but why would I? Much hasnt changed to me. Dont get me wrong, There is an effort to be nicer on both of our parts but thats about it. Sometimes I feel so undesirable...like I'm not up to HIS standards....you know I really havent met ANYBODY outside of his family....ever...and we've been talking for over 4 years at this point...I really just dont feel sexy to him anymore... I dont see the same type of passion in his eyes.....but ya know what, whatever......maybe I'm just being insecure. :-/